GMC: Meditation on Odin’s Coming into my Life

This past year has been a hard one

And many ties to my past were severed

The scars my mother gave me were not enough, it seems

I suffered more wounds at my father’s hands

A sickness grew in his mind, so black and dark that my only option was to run.

My life plays out in mythic lines, a story told many times,

But no less damaging to human psyches.

Save my dear brother, I have no family now.

I am an orphan.

 

Is that why you are here, O Odin?

You are truly the God of my ancestors.

I have said many times that my soul is Greek,

But my blood is of Your people,

And the rest of my earthy blood has abandoned me.

 

Although I worship a warrior Goddess,

Bright-eyed Athene of Grecian lands,

I always considered myself more of an intellectual than a solider

And so, surely of no interest to a War-God like Yourself.

I have slain no enemies in battle

Nor seen the clash of two armies in their bloody dance

I live in a different age, no Vikings go a-raiding anymore.

 

Why, then, does this rage boil in chest?

A near-constant smoldering

That threatens to ignite

Into a wildfire

At the slightest spark.

I struggle to control the rage inside

Though I try to quiet it, it will not be tamed.

I have no channel for this anger,

No socially-acceptable place at which to turn it loose.

 

But my entire life has been a struggle –

Clawing for survival

It feels like fighting

And I am so very tired

O Odin, I have not even reached my third decade

But I feel many years older

The weight of my many experiences

Are graying my hair

And crookening my back,

As surely as they weary my soul

I had no childhood to speak of.

The 29th anniversary of my birth

Arrives in less than a month

But I am so very tired.

I want to continue living.

But sometimes I doubt my strength for the fight.

Perhaps the experiences I have had

The life I have led

Have crafted me into a warrior of sorts.

They don’t call it “the school of hard knocks” for nothing.

I must continue to fight,

Everyday.

Every morning I must decide to fight

To fight the demons which reside in my own mind,

To outrun the demons of my past.

 

Is that why you are here, O Odin?

To lend me strength for my eternal fight?

I have read devotionals to You,

Written by one of Your devoted Priestesses

She says You treasure a woman’s broken edges

I am far from perfect, Odin,

I know this keenly.

I know that I am broken

But if You’ll have me,

I will offer You my worship

Such as it is.

O Odin, Spear-thruster, All-father, Wandering God of the Norsemen,

Lend me strength for my daily fight,

And I will give You many offerings

Red meat, wine, and prayers rising like incense.

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