GMC: Some Personal Thoughts about My History with Heathenism

So, some personal thoughts I had while studying Odin which I really wanted to share, but didn’t seem to fit anywhere in the body of the last post. I tried to work it in but it just distracted from subject, which was Odin, not me.

Odin is the second Norse God to come up for the God of the Month Club in only (I think) three months. It’s actually somewhat interesting, because I’ve felt something of a pull to both Freyja and Odin in the past, particularly when I was first exploring Paganism in my teenaged years. Doing the research for this month bought back memories that I had forgotten. When I was about fourteen, before I decided to commit to Hellenic Paganism, and then that organically grew into Greco-Egyptian Paganism when I met Isis, my practice was more magic-focused than God-focused. So at that time in my life, I studied many types of divination and magic from many systems, but I never really mastered any. Studying Odin for this month has bought back memories of studying the Runes when I was an eclectic teenager, and how they made me feel. There was always something mysterious and powerful about them. I never felt quite worthy of them like I did of the Tarot and other divination that I used, they were so much … Wilder, if that makes any sense. I wasn’t prepared for them then.

I also remember when I friend asked me to choose a Goddess for her to worship. Yes, I realize now how misguided that request is. But we were fourteen, we were dumb kids trying to find our way in the world. My friend basically gave me a laundry list of things she wanted in a Deity and asked me to research for her one that would be good for her and teach her how to get it touch. I did the research, and in my opinion the best result was Freyja, but my friend never put in the spiritual work to build a relationship with Her and nothing ever came of it. But these events are in my mind now because they were my first introduction to Heathenry, and the more I read and study the harder this pull becomes to deny. I feel some trepidation about it, too, because my personal pantheon is already so big and I already have so many responsibilities. Maybe part of the reason I feel that pull is because a significant part of my ancestry is German, and I’ve lost a lot of familial connections in the last few years. I’d really like to learn to speak German one day, and learn more about my heritage and connect to my ancestors. Also, the Romans identified Odin with their God Mercury, and Hermes has become quite present in my life in the last six months. So, like I said, interesting. It seems I might be at a spiritual crossroads yet again. Godsdamnit.

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