So, today I read a couple of really good articles on different aspects of Heathen Gods. It were Dagulf Loptson’s Loki’s Roads and Sarenth’s post about some of Odin’s heiti. They are great articles on their own, that provide a little insight into Loki and Odin, respectively. But it also made me realize something. I’ve been thinking about this Athena thing all wrong. Most of my life, I related to Her as the Scholar’s Goddess, the Philosopher’s Goddess, the Goddess of Learning. Then, when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and fell into a black pit of despair and depression that I can’t even describe to someone who has never experienced mental illness, I started to worship Her as Athena Soteira, Athena the Savior, the light that was leading me out of the darkness. That was the time that I founded the Temple and started this blog, as you might guess from the name of it. Well, lately, I’ve had nudges and indications from Her that She still wants to be a part of my life. She wasn’t really breaking up with me, like I posted on Valentine’s Day…. Okay, yeah that was probably a little melodramatic but that’s how I was feeling at the time, and it hurt. So, after the nudges I’ve gotten from Her, I tried to do ritual for Her, and while I felt Her Presence, it was just …. Flat. It was almost like She was patting me on the head for the effort. It was nowhere near as powerful as it used to be. It was very frustrating.
Anyway, after reading these articles today, I’ve realized that maybe I am trying to interact with a face of Athena that She doesn’t want me to interact with anymore. I need to figure out which aspect of Athena is the important one right now. I’ve always been aware of the Greek epithets for the Deities, used them in prayer, and for study, but until now it never occurred to me that maybe I am praying to wrong Athena and that’s why everything just feels so … weird. It’s not fixed yet. I think I have an idea what the problem is. But I still need to figure out which one is the *right* Athena, so to speak. But I feel better having a plan of attack.