A new form?

So, today I read a couple of really good articles on different aspects of Heathen Gods. It were Dagulf Loptson’s Loki’s Roads and Sarenth’s post about some of Odin’s heiti. They are great articles on their own, that provide a little insight into Loki and Odin, respectively. But it also made me realize something. I’ve been thinking about this Athena thing all wrong. Most of my life, I related to Her as the Scholar’s Goddess, the Philosopher’s Goddess, the Goddess of Learning. Then, when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and fell into a black pit of despair and depression that I can’t even describe to someone who has never experienced mental illness, I started to worship Her as Athena Soteira, Athena the Savior, the light that was leading me out of the darkness. That was the time that I founded the Temple and started this blog, as you might guess from the name of it. Well, lately, I’ve had nudges and indications from Her that She still wants to be a part of my life. She wasn’t really breaking up with me, like I posted on Valentine’s Day…. Okay, yeah that was probably a little melodramatic but that’s how I was feeling at the time, and it hurt. So, after the nudges I’ve gotten from Her, I tried to do ritual for Her, and while I felt Her Presence, it was just …. Flat. It was almost like She was patting me on the head for the effort. It was nowhere near as powerful as it used to be. It was very frustrating.

Anyway, after reading these articles today, I’ve realized that maybe I am trying to interact with a face of Athena that She doesn’t want me to interact with anymore. I need to figure out which aspect of Athena is the important one right now. I’ve always been aware of the Greek epithets for the Deities, used them in prayer, and for study, but until now it never occurred to me that maybe I am praying to wrong Athena and that’s why everything just feels so … weird. It’s not fixed yet. I think I have an idea what the problem is. But I still need to figure out which one is the *right* Athena, so to speak. But I feel better having a plan of attack.

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6 Responses to A new form?

  1. ibgreenie3 says:

    When a God or goddess calls us into a spiritual relationship, we go with joy & wild abandon. But with any relationship, our Deity shows us different sides of their divine nature.
    To be able to see where they are leading us is the challenge for us all. Like yourself, we trust they are showing us the next phase for us to continue to see them as they want to reveal themselves to us.
    May we see them in their true glory.

    • I’m sure that one of my problems is that I had transformative, mystical experiences when I was very young. And that’s wonderful. But that energy can’t be kept up all the time, and it makes the fallow periods very difficult to bear, even painful sometimes. Not to mention that I think I have to rebuild trust with Her, since I fell away from my faith for a few years while I went through a really hard time. So far the other Gods have been very understanding, but I think Athena may have taken it personally, especially since we’ve been so close in the past.

  2. Strix says:

    Have you thought of honoring her as a her whole self till the face/epithet that connects presents Herself to you?

    I can resonate with many of her epithets but the shrine I have for her honors her as a whole…for the time being. I have the same process for both Artemis and Hekate.

    • Well, when I pray to Her, especially in more causal way, I usually just address Her as Athena. But the epithet or face helps me to mentally communicate with Her, if you know what I mean. Its kind of hard to explain. In my experience, Athena likes the more formal rituals, too, and in those I’m more likely to use a list of epithets. But even without verbally saying which Athena I’m calling, I think I usually have an image in my mind, even if I try not to. So I’ve found the epithets to be helpful for focusing…. I’m not sure if I’m explaining this very well. My altars usually honors the Gods as a whole, particularly ones I am close to. But right now all of them are packed in a box. 😦 I’m waiting for the new cabin to be delivered, since the old one is going to be a workshop. It is too dirty and in bad repair to bring out my sacred items, y’know? Not having a shrine to meditate at right now is not helping, lol.

      • Strix says:

        I understand. 🙂 I know a couple of people that do the same in that respect.

        Soon…soon you’ll be able to set up your spaces. 🙂

        I’m wondering…maybe wearing something, if you have anything, that has a connection with Her, might help to get that process started, till you have the space.

        I, too, don’t have my space set up here (after a year of living here…long story) but with some changes coming up, I will finally be able to set up her shrine but do wear certain things and also do certain work and arts with her in mind.

        Hope I’m not intruding too much. ❤

      • You are not intruding at all, Strix. I just don’t respond quickly most of the time because I don’t have internet on my homestead and I don’t make it to town everyday. I do have a few owl pendants in my portable altar kit, I may re-dedicate one of those to Her and start wearing one of those again. I am currently wearing a snake pendant everyday since I have been reconnecting with the Agathos Daimon.
        So you are in a similar position as me, eh? Hopefully we can both have our shrines up soon. Its hard to be a Pagan and not have our altars.

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