Posting again after so many years inactive can be awkward. I’m not sure what to say that will excuse my absence, or how I should begin this post. My life in the last few years has gone through an extensive and complete deconstruction. I’ve been through many crises – both spiritual and material – and I feel as if I have been completely ripped apart. I don’t know who I am anymore. My relationship ended, the longest relationship I have ever had, shortly before our 8 year anniversary. Dark, vile secrets about my family came to light, so twisted that I had to cut off all contact with my father and I no longer wish to carry his name. As soon as I can afford it I’m going to legally change my last name.
I don’t know if I even believe in the Gods anymore. I’ve seen so much evil and darkness, it’s hard to believe in a benevolent, merciful higher power of any sort. I still consider myself culturally Pagan. The myths and the rituals still speak to me, and I value the closeness to the earth and emphasis on natural cycles. But I don’t know if I believe in anything anymore. The Temple no longer exists physically. I had a brief bout of homelessness and had to get rid of a a lot of my belongings, including a lot of my altar stuff. I’ll leave the pictures up in case it gives anyone any ideas. Many times I’ve considered taking this blog down, but then I get a comment or a like, and it seems to be helpful to other people so I am leaving it up. I put so much work into it anyway. But I don’t know if I will continue to post.